Making Sense Of It All

It is strange how the smallest things inspire me to think or write about something. I was scrolling through Facebook and found this image:

There is plenty of time for a post, or a conversation, about family planning but that's not where I am headed with this one. What struck me most about this photo was Abby's response to the original question. The line that reads "I then concluded that a just God could not possibly have given life to innocent children only to doom them to death by starvation in their infancy" gave me great pause. 

We'll pretend for a second that anyone who is reading this doesn't know anything about me so I'll give some context. I believe in God. I am a practicing Catholic and my Catholicism and faith are essential to who I am and who I will become. Before you start getting nervous about what could come next, I'll add that I consider myself to be on the more liberal end of Catholicism and religion in general. I should also add that I don't think there is anything wrong with being on the more conservative end of thing. To each their own.

So, why did this picture give me pause and get me thinking? 

Human beings are made to be in community with each other. We thrive on relationships and connections. Because of this we create a network of like-minded individuals to talk to and lean on. Additionally, we live in a world where bad things happen and they happen often. So, a large number of people, in order to make sense of things, decided there was a need for a belief and faith in a higher power. Something, or someone, who could be used to explain what was happening in the world. In Christianity we call this person God. Now, this explanation is a relatively scientific view point. There is a flip side. That being the thought (in Christianity at least) that Jesus, the son of God, came to Earth, taught, healed and preformed miracles, and died on the cross for the world's sins. It is because of his death and resurrection that  we are able to walk this Earth. And, because of the great sacrifice of Christ we, as Christians, put our faith in God and believe in his plan for the world. 

Now you might be thinking 'uh, come on Maureen, why the history lesson?'. I lay this out because I think it is important to remember that there are two sides to where people's faith in God/higher power came from. Also, I feel like it is important to understand this part in order to connect it to the next part.

Religious/Faithful/Spiritual people use their religious point of view and their faith in God as a way of making sense of the world. I do it too, not to worry! It is a defense mechanism. Bad things happen so we question 'why would God let this happen?' And I think in some circumstances, that questioning in warranted. What concerns me is the other times when that question is asked and it may not be the right one. Or, it may not be pointed in the right direction. 

This is why Abby's response gave me pause. She mentions a 'just God' and how he/she gives life to innocent children only to subject them to heartache and death. 

This somehow does not sit well with me. I believe in God. I believe he/she has some crazy plan for me and I'm rather excited to see where it goes. But, I also believe I have the power to make my own path, to make my own choices. So, I get confused when we race to blame God for the ills of the world. Aside from whether you believe in a higher power or not, the blame for the ills of the world should not be placed solely on God. We are the people living here. We are the ones making decisions day by day, minute by minute on how to treat people, or how to leave this world better than we found it. And sometimes we manage to make good choices and stand up for those on the margins or just stand up for our own family. But sometimes, we act selfishly. Sometimes we are greedy. Sometimes we only care about us. 

And then difficult things happen. We wonder why God would let millionaires and billionaires keep living their lives when the rest of us are struggling. We wonder why God would let hundreds die from mass shootings without thinking about the deeper root causes. We wonder why God would let children be born into a world to parents who can't afford to feed them but we don't dare stop to consider the millions of adults who are starving on a daily basis.

I don't say all of this to make the argument that religion and faith and questioning God is not something good. I think all of those things have vital roles to play. I say this because sometimes it is easier to blame God. It is easier to shift blame from humanity to God, because God is the 'source of life' and he/she is the one with the plan. But, when do we, as human beings, start taking responsibility? When do we decide we need to stop hiding behind our God and realize we too play a part in the ins and outs of the world? 

There's a quote from Shane Claiborne's book The Irresistible Revolution that is fitting for the end of this:

"Two guys are talking to each other and the one says he has a question for God. He wants to ask God why he allowed all this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question."

Hey, Let's Talk About It.

A couple weeks ago you might have heard about the comments coming from the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch. On the off chance you didn't, click here! These comments have sparked controversy all over the country. Today, one of my Facebook friends posted a sweet Buzz Feed article sparked by a woman who wrote a letter to Mike Jeffries, the CEO of A&F. The full letter, which Buzz Feed articulated quite nicely was published on this woman's blog. I take great pride in knowing that people are making their voices known and speaking out against Mike Jeffries and Abercrombie & Fitch.

After reading this very well written and thought-provoking letter I got sucked into the black hole that is the internet. Normally this only happens to me on Facebook but this lady's blog was just too good to stop reading! Until I came to one post that had me thinking so much I had to stop reading and write. The post that stopped me in my tracks was titled Why I'm Fat. 

Let me assure you right here that the following will not be a rant on fat people or healthy eating or whatever you might think should/could come next. Or at least, it won't be about that totally. It'll be about something deeper, the post that triggered it was just a tipping point. So, here we go!

Jes, the author of the blog, pointed out in her post that there are normally two reasons people are fat: biological and psychological. She explained her own personal reasons but basically summed it up by saying it is complicated and complex. This is what got me thinking. Life, and the things we experience have reasons behind them but they are complex and complicated. And the problem is that we have a tendency to ignore the complications and complexities. But they are what makes us who we are.

It is these complexities that are behind our depression, eating disorders, self-harm or suicidal thoughts. They are the reasons we decide to drink, get high, or eat to take away the pain. And they are the most difficult to talk about. It is easier to sweep them under the rug, trust me, I know. We think if we don't talk about this stuff it'll go away, but it doesn't. As a society, we think that if we put a band aid over the larger issue it'll get fixed. It doesn't.

We need to talk about it. We need to have the deep, difficult conversations that allow us to get the heart of the problem. We need to remove the band aid and dig down really deep so we can understand ourselves and the world around us. We, as a society, need to begin to understand that mental health and psychological concerns cannot, and should not be ignored.

There is a sigma in society that says we shouldn't talk about difficult things. Society says we should pretend they don't exist and just smile and nod.

I think society should shove it. I think we should talk about it. Whatever 'it' is.

Take the risk, have the conversation. It might change your life.

And, it might change someone else's too.

A Twofold World

Did you know that 50% of the world lives on less than $2.50 a day? Or that 22,000 children die each day due to poverty? Or that in the United States if you make make $11,484 or less a year you are considered to be living in poverty? Or, if you're reading this and you have a family that the poverty line is $23,021 for a family of four?

The numbers are terrifying. Or they should be. The problem is sometimes we can't see it. Sometimes we don't understand it because it doesn't affect us, it doesn't pertain to us.

But these numbers DO pertain to us, they DO affect us! Here's how I see it:

For the past three weeks or so I've been living in a bubble where school work and job searching has not been important. I got the chance to go back to Ireland for two weeks with a friend where I was able to just be a tourist and see all the things on the island that I have been missing while being a student. And then I came back to Pennsylvania and walked across the stage and got a masters degree. But now it is Monday and the reality of finding a job has come back into the picture.

Today, I made a call to the HR department of a university up in New Hampshire to talk about a potential job. Like most jobs, the issue of salary and the pesky question of 'salary requirements' came up. The S word has never really been in my vocabulary. Up until now I have preferred 'minimum wage' and 'hourly' so you can understand why this particular question might throw me for a loop. I ended up finding out  the range for this particular position and it was less than I thought it would be. This new found word and all the complexities that come with it propelled my brain in a direction where I had to sit down and consider what my life, and financials, would look like if I was offered and took the job with that particular salary range. If you know me well you can probably imagine the freak out that ensued. Although, if you have seen me grow over the past couple of years you'll also know this freak out was mostly in my head and much more contained than it might have been three or four years ago.

My thought process began with examining what that salary would look like over the course of the year and I broke it down by how much I would make a month. It was at this point that my Dad pointed out that 1/3 is taken out for taxes which means less money than I originally thought for the month. If you were paying attention you would have noticed that this job is in New England, which, as my friends from that area will verify, has a higher cost of living. So here's when I factored in what an apartment would cost me. And then the bills I pay. And then there's the annoying student loan bills that will be knocking at my door. And finally there's that tiny detail of groceries and maybe some sort of a social life.

Just for illustration sake, let's break this down. And, to make it somewhat realistic to me I'll use the number that the US Census Bureau uses as the poverty line for a family of four: roughly $23,000

Salary: $23,000 for a ten month position.
Monthly paycheck: $2,300
After taxes: $1,541
After rent (roughly): $691
After bills (roughly): $491

So, given these numbers, in this area of the country, and before making any payments towards my student loans, I would be left with roughly $500 for the month. Now, part of me is optimistic and says that I could certainly live on $400-500 a month. There is another part of me that given the life I have lived over the past 25 years is concerned about what that might look like. I am not saying it couldn't, and isn't done, on a regular basis by people all over the country. What I am saying is that it is a shock to the system.

This shock to the system, more fondly know as adulthood, is what brings this post full circle.

As a white American, a westerner, an educated woman from a middle class family, I have never lived in a pay check to pay check world. I have never lived a life where dinner has been an option, unless option means that I had a big lunch that day. I have never known a life where my parents have had to the make choice between breakfast or buying a jacket for their child. The life I know is where I find myself thinking "how would I pay back my student loans?" and a bit more selfishly, "this means I might have to stop buying Vera Bradley!"

The shock to the system that I experienced is also the overwhelming understanding of our connection to humanity.

It is my hope that if you're reading this you will not experience the extreme poverty that some experience on a regular basis. It is my hope that you will not be one of the 1,000+ of Americans who are living below the poverty line, either as an individual or a family. It is my hope, however, that we all begin to understand just how connected we are as human beings. It is my hope that whether we make $100,000, $60,000, $30,000 or $15,000 a year that we understand that there are individuals worldwide that live on less than $2 a day. It is my hope that when we are faced with a shock to the system because our financials don't allow us to spend so much money as Wawa (click here if you have no clue what Wawa is!) or get that brand new smart phone that we will remember that some people can't even buy their children shoes.

I live in a twofold world. This world is the constant pull between "I'm going to go buy a cute new scarf for no reason at all" and "We aren't sure how we are going to feed our family tonight." And every once in a while, very subtly, the universe places me in the middle of it and reminds me of how lucky I am and how much more work has to be done.

How will you be an active citizen in your personal twofold world? How will you respond?

The Beginning in the End*

Let's be real, people: the first post of any blog is awkward. The new author has no idea how to start what they believe to be the most exciting, on the edge of your seat, mind blowing blog. I'm here to tell you that this might not be any of those things. It could be the most boring thing you've ever read, and that's okay. You want to know why? Because this has less to do with you and more to do about me. 

Three days ago I graduated with a Masters of Arts in International Peace and Conflict Resolution. The jury is still out on what that means so you know, feel free to take some guesses. What I now know is that I am a newly turned 25 year old who just mastered something and I'm about to enter the world for real.

By 'for real' I mean, I'm job searching and praying to God that I'll eventually move out of my parents house and maybe if the universe is really on my side, pay back my student loans before I am 99. It also means that I get to officially take everything I have learned in school over the past 20 years and put it to go use. It means I've come to a point in my life where classrooms and books aren't going to cut it. Instead, I get to experience first hand the ins and outs of adulthood and the many difficult questions that come along with it. 

The mention of difficult questions is a nice segue to explaining the title of this blog. For any of you reading this, whether intentionally or because you have stumbled across it, who participated in Alternative Breaks throughout your college careers should recognize the term pretty quickly. For those of who have didn't get that life changing experience let me give you some context...

Often times Alternative Breaks at colleges and universities are assisted by a organization called Break Away. They provide schools with informational materials and training in order that these break trips can succeed and foster 'active citizens'. Break Away provides Alternative Break programs with what they call the Active Citizen Continuum. The idea of this continuum is that as students, faculty and staff participate in Alternative Break trips their experiences will allow them to not only continue to serve and volunteer but to strive to ask bigger and more thought-provoking questions. The continuum ranges from Member, someone who isn't really concerned with social issues and just along for the ride to Active Citizen, someone who believes that people and communities are a priority and value in their life. 

Prior to my undergraduate career, and even through my freshman year old college I would have most certainly placed myself in the member category on the continuum. However, as I have been provided with opportunities to experience different places, cultures and groups of people through a great summer job and the Alternative Breaks program, I found myself moving right along to active citizen. 

Even three years out of college and two years since my last Alternative Break I still consider myself to be in the active citizen section. With that being said, however, there is always room for growth. As you will see, the title of the blog is not just 'Active Citizenship'. The 'Unpacked' part of the title is the key to all of this. It is one thing to classify yourself as an active citizen, or any other label you give to yourself. It is another thing not to reflect on why you are that way or how your newly changed world is effecting that classification. 

This reflection is the point of this blog. This open space will be an opportunity for me to explore the never-ending, difficult questions that come along with adulthood and being an active citizen. It will be an open space to explore the possibilities of what comes next; of how to navigate through it all; of how to ask the bigger questions and strive for more. 

It's an open-ended, free flowing, adventure. I think it'll be pretty exciting and I challenge you to read on because you never know what words will change your life (or when I'll have you on the edge of your seat!).




*This titled is borrowed from an episode of Bones. It seemed rather fitting seeing as though I just graduated from grad school. Normal people might have not added this note, but I just spent a good part of my life citing things in a thesis; it is in my blood.