Happily Ever After?

I watch a lot of TV. And by a lot, I mean, I have loads of shows on DVD, I have a Netflix and Hulu account and I'm signed up for Amazon Prime mainly because when I order TV on DVD I want them ASAP. Needless to say, I watch TV like some people watch movies or read books. Furthermore, if you raided my TV on DVD collection, or know anything about me you'll find that I'm a hopeless romantic who enjoys a good happily ever after.

But what does happily ever after even mean?

The world I live in has told me that happily ever after means that I make a lot of money and drive fancy cars and live in a nice house. And! I say, most importantly to this picture, I do all these things with a husband and 2.5 children. Since my confession that I'm a hopeless romantic, you can bet that I envision those things for my future. This is all well and good, but I can't help but wonder if this is the only 'happily ever after' I should want?

Is it the only happily ever after you want?

Maybe it is. Maybe you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe you have found your dream job, or your dream house, or a really awesome car. And maybe those things will send you into your future and give you great joy.

But what if they don't? What if happily ever after doesn't mean someone else, or a collection of things or a job? What if happily ever after means just you and your changing life?

What if happily ever after means that you have a solid group have friends that get you?

What if happily ever after means going home after a long day of work and cuddling with your dog/cat/[insert animal here]?

What if happily ever after means that you drive a beat up old car or that you get paid nothing for a job you love?

And here's a thought! Maybe happily ever after doesn't even exist! What in the world would we do then?

Sixteen

General Public Service Announcement: the last 2 months have been crazy with moving back to Philadelphia and finding a job and getting ready to move to South Carolina so sorry for the lack of blog-age. Whoops.

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Two days ago my friend posted this on my Facebook. It is an interview from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Malala Yousafzai.

*Quick refresher course: Malala Yousafzai is from Swat Valley in Pakistan. She speaks out about the importance of education, particularly for girls. In 2012 she was shot in the head by the Taliban because she spoke out in support of educating girls.

If you haven't done so, you should take the time to watch the interview now. I'll wait.

Kay, great.

As I have been getting ready to move to South Carolina, I have been cleaning out my room at my parents house. Throughout this process I have been blessed with the opportunity to take a walk down memory lane as I have found stuff from high school. When I was listening to Malala, who is 16 years old, I couldn't help but reflect on who I was at 16 and how different 16 year old me was compared to 16 year old Malala.

The year I turned 16 I was just about to finish my sophomore year of high school. I had somewhat successfully gotten through a year at a new school and manged to make some really great friends. I started on a path that directed my spiritual future and I had my first taste of a leadership as a retreat leader. But I was an angry 16 year old. I was confused and hurting and wishing I was someone else (which is probably normal but I don't know what it is like to be around a 16 year old that isn't me or my friends so I'll get back to you). The other day I found the talk I gave at the retreat I helped lead and I couldn't bring myself to read through it. Not because I didn't know what it said but because I like the person I am today better than the person I was at 16 and I like to remember how much I have grown over the last (almost) 10 years instead of being transported back to the thoughts of 16 year old me.

So, as I listened to Malala tonight I couldn't help but be in awe of who she is at 16. I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that at 16 I was concerned about how I may not have that many friends or a social life or a boyfriend. And at 16 Malala is spearheading a dialogue about the importance of educating girls around he globe. At 16 Malala is saying all the things that I believe in at 25; all the things I couldn't even begin to comprehend at 16. Malala Yousafzai is an inspiring young woman who is and will continue to change the world. I can only hope to be as inspiring at 26 as she will be at 17.

The final take away from this is that no matter how old we are, or where we have been, the future is waiting for us. We have the opportunity to grow into amazing people because we were meant for amazing things. We are blessed with the ability to understand where we have been and to walk (or jog or run) the path to where we are going. Whatever our past, we have our future. Keep on doing, inspiring and growing and we will change the world.

Mundane isn't so Dull

Last week in a job interview I was asked if I thought the job might be too mundane for me. You know, because I have spent the last year living in Ireland. And I have two masters degrees. And because maybe I should "be in politics fighting for immigration reform."

Then, I was in Galway this weekend and I was having lunch with friends and I told them one of my favorite stories from my short life. It is a story they hadn't heard and well, it is hilarious.

And then today I was walking home and I smiled because I spent my Saturday enjoying friendship, beer and sunshine.

It was then that I realized there is no such thing as mundane.

I have never considered myself to be extraordinary. I am not one to go out searching for hilarious moments to tell years later, they just sort of happen. That is how I know there is no such thing as mundane. Life always has something to offer even if that is reading a good book or watching the same episodes of Grey's Anatomy over and over again. Sure, there are moments that stand out more than others. Like, the time I got rug burn on my face (the hilarious story from Saturday). Or the time I made a fort out of kitchen cabinets. Or when I ran around my friends backyard with a broken foot. But all of those moments started out as regular days.

Regular days where you wake up and see people and do things and experience life. Then one day you tell a story of how you spent a weekend in Pittsburgh and you and your 11 other friends probably should have gotten kicked out of the hotel you were staying in. Or the days you  do something as simple has have a dance party with your nieces or taco eating contests with your family. Or you read Harry Potter for the 1000th time.

We get so caught up in thinking life is mundane and boring because we don't always have exciting stories to tell. But every story is exciting to someone. Every moment matters. Every encounter with yourself and others means something. Don't rule anything out.

What's Time Got To Do With It?

For the past couple of days I've been trying to think of a way to talk about time. How fast or slow it goes. How you look back and can't figure out how everything happened in what felt like a short amount of time. Or how long that moment a month ago feels.

Time is everything.

The last two weeks I have been struggling with time. Mainly because it feels like it hasn't been going fast enough. Between visitors and adventures around this tiny island, life moved pretty fast. And then I hit a wall. One in which the last two weeks took FOREVER. Truth be told, I woke up on Monday morning this week wondering how it was still July. Surely this month had to be over already? Not so.

But now, 8-ish hours before August 1st (on this side of the ocean) and I can't help but feel time speeding up again. Three weeks from today my second master's thesis is due. Three weeks from tomorrow is my last full day in Dublin. Three weeks from Friday I am boarding a plane to Boston ad then to Philadelphia.

Three weeks.

Now all I can do is think about time. Will I get it all done? Will I manage to do the last couple things I want to do while I am here? Am I actually ready to leave? Will I miss the city I have been cursing for the last couple of weeks?

We can't stop time. We can't speed it up or slow it down. We can just live it. One minute at a time. One day at a time. One week at a time.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing: enjoy the moment. Take everything in and know that these moments, even the ones you're wishing and praying to go faster, are the ones that are changing your life.

Past. Present. Future.

I often think I should have titled this blog something different. Like: "Ramblings from a Confused 25 year old" or "Please Hold While I Experience Another Moment of Panic because my Life is not going the Way I Want it to". The fact of the matter is that if I had titled this blog one of those I could just say whatever I want with no real point or follow through.

But, what fun would that be? How would that push me to strive for more?

Spoiler Alert! It wouldn't. So here I am striving for more. Being confused. Having moments of panic. And here's why it matters.

Ever since the beginning of June I've found myself constantly thinking of how I got to this point in life. Sure, part of it was probably because I had just graduated with a masters degree, but there was and is more than that.

June 1st marked an important anniversary in my life. On June 1st 5 years ago I began an adventure that changed my life. It was an adventure that marked a turning point of how I saw myself, the world, and myself in the world. I spent 11 weeks that summer in a new place, with new people, experiencing so many new things. I grew up that summer (seriously, ask my Mom, she'll tell you). I learned that I mattered and that my thoughts and opinions mattered too. I learned that my life is deeply connected to the lives of the billions of people living on this planet. I learned that that connection means that my choices affect their choices; my life affect their lives. That summer I broke the bubble I was living in and it is impossible to go back. And for that, I am grateful.

With the end of June came another important anniversary. This time, it wasn't mine. On June 23rd my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I have no idea who my parents were 40 years ago but I found myself reflecting on their years together. I found myself in awe that in the course of 40 years these two wonderful people managed to build a life together that is withstanding the test of time. What's more, I found myself amazed that they managed to raise 3 wonderful children (I know, I'm biased) when I can't even manage to go grocery shopping on a regular basis. All of this made me realize how lucky I am that they found each other, created a life for themselves, my brothers and I, and raised me to be the person I am today.

Back when I was in high school I had a friend who celebrated her birthday at the end of June. The year she turned 16 her mom threw her a surprise birthday party (which we are going to pretend was in June because it goes with the anniversary theme but the actual date escapes me). At this particular birthday party I met two of my favorite people who I now consider to be two of my best friends. The friendship I have with these women, and the many other friends I have made along the way, have shaped me into the person I am today. Without them I wouldn't laugh as much or cry as much (just kidding, I cry enough on my own). Without the friendships I have formed over the years I wouldn't have the support system that gets me through all the crazy adventures of life. Every single person I am friends with brings something different to the friendship and selfishly they all enable me to grow and learn more and more about myself. These individuals, no matter where they are, continue to be my support system and I am positive I would fall apart without them.

I lay these things out because they are my past, they are my present and they will become my future. These anniversaries and these people are what I lean on when my life gets confusing or I start to panic. They are the things I am grateful for when I realize how often I can take them for granted. They are the reason I smile and laugh ad even cry. They have changed my life for the better and I'm more than certain they will continue to do so.

In an effort to strive for more I encourage you to reflect on the things and people that have changed your life. They are why you are here and they are how you will get to where you're going. Be thankful for every experience they have given you, good or bad. And strive to be an experience for someone else so they too can add you to the list of people who have changed their life.

The Dreaded Question & What To Do About It

I was recently out at the bar. (I live in Ireland, please don't act surprised by this). This is not something new. In fact, I've been frequenting bars since May, 2009. You meet some fun people at bars and pubs. It gives you the opportunity to expand your horizons and have new and exciting conversations. I have found, however, that there is a question I have come to dread. I cringe the moment I feel the question coming. I wish I was invisible when the words come out of the persons mouth.

... "What do you study?"

Okay, maybe the wishing to become invisible and cringing is a little over dramatic. But, I really dread the question.

You see, I am getting a Master's of Philosophy in Intercultural Theology and Interreligious Studies. Also, to add to my nerd collection, I have a Master's of Arts in International Peace and Conflict Resolution. And a Bachelor's of Arts in Theology. I normally don't get passed the first degree in these conversations however. And, in recent months have shortened my answers to "Religion and Theology". It is somehow easier for people to comprehend.

Not to give myself an ego boost (on purpose anyway) but these degrees make me pretty awesome. The trouble comes not with the nerd-y-ness of having (almost) 3 degrees but in what they are in. This is particularly true for the last one. Also, on the universal list of things people don't like to talk about, religion and theology are up there pretty high. Interestingly enough, despite them being on the top of the 'do not talk about' list, people I have encountered are pretty willing to talk about them.

Before people are willing to talk about it, however, there is the period of confusion and questioning that comes along with it. Heads turn a little to the side like a dog who is confused. Eyebrows go up. And I'm pretty sure every single person thinks to themselves, 'Is this girl one of those crazy religious people?' The cool thing is, once we get those weird parts out of the way the conversation can be really great.

But there is still a part of me who dreads the question. And I have to reflect on why. And, more importantly, what to do about it.

I can tell you without a doubt why I dread this question: it makes me feel weird. It is one of those 'you picked the strangest academic path possible once and now you are doing it again, you big dummy' feeling. But, as I have reflected more on this question and my life over the past few days, I have come to realize there is something deeper that surpasses the weird feelings I get with this question. And this is the part that helps me reflect on what to do next.

Sure, there is part of me that wishes I had picked another path in life. That I had gotten a degree in Criminal Justice or Nursing or that I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer.. Those choices would have made the 'what do you study' question less awkward to answer. But those choices are not what I am passionate about.

And passion is the key to this.

Before I came to Ireland I worked at Target. Now, if you know me, you'll know that I think Target is awesome and in reality I could spend all my money there. But, I dreaded going to work most days. The job wasn't fulfilling or exciting. It was dull and boring. It was not at all what I am passionate about.

On the flip side, the thought of being able to go to work everyday and build community with college students is thrilling. The prospects have having serious conversations about things that matter is amazing. The idea of being able to educate students (and others) on things that are happening in the world so they can go make a difference makes me want to do a happy dance. The thought of interacting with individuals with different backgrounds, religions and experiences and learning from those individuals is awesome. I could go on, but I'll stop.

The point is, passion is key. The question is awkward. The looks you get are not at all helpful on you quest to the future. But despite all of that, if you remain passionate and excited about your future the rest won't matter.

As individuals, we have been provided gifts, talents and characteristics that make us perfect for a specific field of study or a job. If we are lucky we will be able to grow into those things, become passionate about them and ultimately change the world.

My Actions and Your Actions

If you have decided to use this blog as a way of keeping yourself updated on the life and times of Maureen Plover, you're in luck because I'm going to give you just that!

If you stumbled upon my life last week you would have come to find that I was preparing myself for a second job interview for a campus minister position. As of this past Thursday at 9:30 Irish time I did not get the job. Oh well, Texas is too hot anyway. However, out of this not so fabulous news came a conversation that I like to see as a silver lining to my rejection and what prompted this post. Here we go:

So, here I am, Thursday night enjoying myself some Guinness with my friend Adrian when I got the job rejection e-mail. This of course caused for more drinking, but that is a story for another time! Anyway, after the initial shock, the conversation turned to a reflection on life and how we ended up to that point in time. I found myself recounting the ever important story of how my plans for after my college graduation didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped for. I found myself reflecting on what could have been if things had gone differently. Not what if I had done something differently, but if things in general had gone differently, because I think there is a difference.

Perplexed? Yeah, don't worry, Adrian was too! I'll explain.

I make the distinction between the two as seeing life in terms of things you personally did or did not do AND reflecting on the things that others did or did not do. Both are surely connected but if taken separately there's a different type of reflection involved.

Here's the story for reflecting on the question of "What if I did/did not..." in reference to my senior year of college:
My experiences leading up to my senior year of college led me to believe that the cool thing to do after graduation was a year of service. A lot of my friends were doing it so I assumed that's what I was supposed to do. I started looking into programs and found some and applied to them. I went on to interviews in Chicago and Phoenix. Neither of those options panned out and I decided to go to grad school instead of going out to find a big girl job. During my first year of grad school I made the decision to transfer to another program. During my second year of grad school I decided to go to Ireland for the year. And here I am.

Here's the story for reflecting on the question of "What could have been if someone else did/did not..." also in reference to my senior year of college:
When I told my mom and dad I was thinking about doing a year of service my dad had no clue what I was talking about and urged me to look into grad school too. On his advice I found myself looking into peace, justice and conflict resolution programs and I feel in love with one particular program but I ignored it because  I was geared up to go do a year of service. As I mentioned earlier, the year of service programs didn't pan out because the one program I really liked didn't accept me. I ended up going to grad school because my very good friend Robyn said I could live in her attic and my other personal connections allowed me to get a job. I transferred grad programs because a professor I respect very much encouraged me to go out and find something else. I came to Ireland because the first grad program I picked put a high emphasis on studying abroad and allowed me to have this experience. And here I am.

Both of these reflections ultimately got me to the same place: Dublin, Ireland. But, if one thing had been different, whether on the part of me or someone else, I may not be in this exact place, in this exact moment writing this post. I may have not had experiences that changed me for the better or experiences that tested who I am as a person. I may have not met some of my best friends or learned that there is in fact an alcohol family tree. Had one single thing been different, I would have been different.

It is vital to take time to reflect on your life and think about the things you could have done differently. But it is equally important to reflect on how your life could have been different if someone else had done something different.

As humans, we are forever affected by not just our own actions but the actions of others.

"It's absolutely terrifying but I will not be screwed out of the life I want."

The little bio on the side of this beautiful blog says that I have a tendency to ask 'why' and that I am convinced that the universe is not finished with me yet. For me, these are two essential things when talking about active citizenship. In addition to these important characteristics, it is equally important to discuss the times when I'm (we are) being held back by something.

For me, in this moment, it is fear.

Allow me to bring you up to speed: I've been on the hunt for a campus minister job, mainly at colleges or universities. I've sent out at least 20 resumes and cover letters and up to writing have had three interviews. Out of those three interviews I knew I didn't want the one job, I really wanted one of them and there are mixed feelings about the third one. I ended up not getting a second interview for the first two jobs. The one job was not that big of a deal because I didn't want it anyway. The second one was a big let down because I really, really wanted the job. But alas, it didn't work out. (Who likes Rhode Island anyways?)

The last interview I had just recently turned into a second interview, which is in a few short hours. At this point I expect you to be asking yourself why the heck this post is about fear when I am hours away from a second job interview. Solid question. Here's why...

When we find something, whether it be a job, a relationship, or college, we as humans put a huge emphasis on them. They become our 'dream job/relationship/college' and we can't imagine having anything else. Unfortunately, sometimes things just don't work out. There is someone else out in the world that is better suited for the job. There is another person who fits into your life just a little better. The college you applied to just doesn't have enough room. We get let down; we get our hearts broken. The thing is, that despite our sadness and our broken hearts we get back up and start looking again. We find other things that make us excited and could be a new possibility.

This is where the fear comes in though. Here I am looking a second job interview in the face for what seems to be a wonderful university with wonderful people and I am terrified that I could potentially make the wrong decision (if it even comes to that). We all have those moments when we compare the 'what ifs' to the 'what could bes'. If you don't you're a better person than I am. The key to getting past that is to own those concerns, those fears.

I have my own person journal that I have neglected for months and today I decided to dust it off and write. When I have been away from journaling for a while I take the time to page through and read some of the stuff I have written. I like to think it of my past self teaching my present self something. I found an entry from this past March and started reading. It was from that that I found the title for this post.

"It is absolutely terrifying but I will not be screwed out of the life I want."

Life is meant to be scary. We are meant to question when we can't figure out which way is up. But we also have to know that despite the fear and confusion there is a life we have dreamed about. The whole thing may not turn out exactly how we dreamed it would but we will get to experience a world and life that will blow our minds.

It is okay to be terrified, just don't get screwed out of the life you want.

Making Sense Of It All

It is strange how the smallest things inspire me to think or write about something. I was scrolling through Facebook and found this image:

There is plenty of time for a post, or a conversation, about family planning but that's not where I am headed with this one. What struck me most about this photo was Abby's response to the original question. The line that reads "I then concluded that a just God could not possibly have given life to innocent children only to doom them to death by starvation in their infancy" gave me great pause. 

We'll pretend for a second that anyone who is reading this doesn't know anything about me so I'll give some context. I believe in God. I am a practicing Catholic and my Catholicism and faith are essential to who I am and who I will become. Before you start getting nervous about what could come next, I'll add that I consider myself to be on the more liberal end of Catholicism and religion in general. I should also add that I don't think there is anything wrong with being on the more conservative end of thing. To each their own.

So, why did this picture give me pause and get me thinking? 

Human beings are made to be in community with each other. We thrive on relationships and connections. Because of this we create a network of like-minded individuals to talk to and lean on. Additionally, we live in a world where bad things happen and they happen often. So, a large number of people, in order to make sense of things, decided there was a need for a belief and faith in a higher power. Something, or someone, who could be used to explain what was happening in the world. In Christianity we call this person God. Now, this explanation is a relatively scientific view point. There is a flip side. That being the thought (in Christianity at least) that Jesus, the son of God, came to Earth, taught, healed and preformed miracles, and died on the cross for the world's sins. It is because of his death and resurrection that  we are able to walk this Earth. And, because of the great sacrifice of Christ we, as Christians, put our faith in God and believe in his plan for the world. 

Now you might be thinking 'uh, come on Maureen, why the history lesson?'. I lay this out because I think it is important to remember that there are two sides to where people's faith in God/higher power came from. Also, I feel like it is important to understand this part in order to connect it to the next part.

Religious/Faithful/Spiritual people use their religious point of view and their faith in God as a way of making sense of the world. I do it too, not to worry! It is a defense mechanism. Bad things happen so we question 'why would God let this happen?' And I think in some circumstances, that questioning in warranted. What concerns me is the other times when that question is asked and it may not be the right one. Or, it may not be pointed in the right direction. 

This is why Abby's response gave me pause. She mentions a 'just God' and how he/she gives life to innocent children only to subject them to heartache and death. 

This somehow does not sit well with me. I believe in God. I believe he/she has some crazy plan for me and I'm rather excited to see where it goes. But, I also believe I have the power to make my own path, to make my own choices. So, I get confused when we race to blame God for the ills of the world. Aside from whether you believe in a higher power or not, the blame for the ills of the world should not be placed solely on God. We are the people living here. We are the ones making decisions day by day, minute by minute on how to treat people, or how to leave this world better than we found it. And sometimes we manage to make good choices and stand up for those on the margins or just stand up for our own family. But sometimes, we act selfishly. Sometimes we are greedy. Sometimes we only care about us. 

And then difficult things happen. We wonder why God would let millionaires and billionaires keep living their lives when the rest of us are struggling. We wonder why God would let hundreds die from mass shootings without thinking about the deeper root causes. We wonder why God would let children be born into a world to parents who can't afford to feed them but we don't dare stop to consider the millions of adults who are starving on a daily basis.

I don't say all of this to make the argument that religion and faith and questioning God is not something good. I think all of those things have vital roles to play. I say this because sometimes it is easier to blame God. It is easier to shift blame from humanity to God, because God is the 'source of life' and he/she is the one with the plan. But, when do we, as human beings, start taking responsibility? When do we decide we need to stop hiding behind our God and realize we too play a part in the ins and outs of the world? 

There's a quote from Shane Claiborne's book The Irresistible Revolution that is fitting for the end of this:

"Two guys are talking to each other and the one says he has a question for God. He wants to ask God why he allowed all this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question."

Hey, Let's Talk About It.

A couple weeks ago you might have heard about the comments coming from the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch. On the off chance you didn't, click here! These comments have sparked controversy all over the country. Today, one of my Facebook friends posted a sweet Buzz Feed article sparked by a woman who wrote a letter to Mike Jeffries, the CEO of A&F. The full letter, which Buzz Feed articulated quite nicely was published on this woman's blog. I take great pride in knowing that people are making their voices known and speaking out against Mike Jeffries and Abercrombie & Fitch.

After reading this very well written and thought-provoking letter I got sucked into the black hole that is the internet. Normally this only happens to me on Facebook but this lady's blog was just too good to stop reading! Until I came to one post that had me thinking so much I had to stop reading and write. The post that stopped me in my tracks was titled Why I'm Fat. 

Let me assure you right here that the following will not be a rant on fat people or healthy eating or whatever you might think should/could come next. Or at least, it won't be about that totally. It'll be about something deeper, the post that triggered it was just a tipping point. So, here we go!

Jes, the author of the blog, pointed out in her post that there are normally two reasons people are fat: biological and psychological. She explained her own personal reasons but basically summed it up by saying it is complicated and complex. This is what got me thinking. Life, and the things we experience have reasons behind them but they are complex and complicated. And the problem is that we have a tendency to ignore the complications and complexities. But they are what makes us who we are.

It is these complexities that are behind our depression, eating disorders, self-harm or suicidal thoughts. They are the reasons we decide to drink, get high, or eat to take away the pain. And they are the most difficult to talk about. It is easier to sweep them under the rug, trust me, I know. We think if we don't talk about this stuff it'll go away, but it doesn't. As a society, we think that if we put a band aid over the larger issue it'll get fixed. It doesn't.

We need to talk about it. We need to have the deep, difficult conversations that allow us to get the heart of the problem. We need to remove the band aid and dig down really deep so we can understand ourselves and the world around us. We, as a society, need to begin to understand that mental health and psychological concerns cannot, and should not be ignored.

There is a sigma in society that says we shouldn't talk about difficult things. Society says we should pretend they don't exist and just smile and nod.

I think society should shove it. I think we should talk about it. Whatever 'it' is.

Take the risk, have the conversation. It might change your life.

And, it might change someone else's too.

A Twofold World

Did you know that 50% of the world lives on less than $2.50 a day? Or that 22,000 children die each day due to poverty? Or that in the United States if you make make $11,484 or less a year you are considered to be living in poverty? Or, if you're reading this and you have a family that the poverty line is $23,021 for a family of four?

The numbers are terrifying. Or they should be. The problem is sometimes we can't see it. Sometimes we don't understand it because it doesn't affect us, it doesn't pertain to us.

But these numbers DO pertain to us, they DO affect us! Here's how I see it:

For the past three weeks or so I've been living in a bubble where school work and job searching has not been important. I got the chance to go back to Ireland for two weeks with a friend where I was able to just be a tourist and see all the things on the island that I have been missing while being a student. And then I came back to Pennsylvania and walked across the stage and got a masters degree. But now it is Monday and the reality of finding a job has come back into the picture.

Today, I made a call to the HR department of a university up in New Hampshire to talk about a potential job. Like most jobs, the issue of salary and the pesky question of 'salary requirements' came up. The S word has never really been in my vocabulary. Up until now I have preferred 'minimum wage' and 'hourly' so you can understand why this particular question might throw me for a loop. I ended up finding out  the range for this particular position and it was less than I thought it would be. This new found word and all the complexities that come with it propelled my brain in a direction where I had to sit down and consider what my life, and financials, would look like if I was offered and took the job with that particular salary range. If you know me well you can probably imagine the freak out that ensued. Although, if you have seen me grow over the past couple of years you'll also know this freak out was mostly in my head and much more contained than it might have been three or four years ago.

My thought process began with examining what that salary would look like over the course of the year and I broke it down by how much I would make a month. It was at this point that my Dad pointed out that 1/3 is taken out for taxes which means less money than I originally thought for the month. If you were paying attention you would have noticed that this job is in New England, which, as my friends from that area will verify, has a higher cost of living. So here's when I factored in what an apartment would cost me. And then the bills I pay. And then there's the annoying student loan bills that will be knocking at my door. And finally there's that tiny detail of groceries and maybe some sort of a social life.

Just for illustration sake, let's break this down. And, to make it somewhat realistic to me I'll use the number that the US Census Bureau uses as the poverty line for a family of four: roughly $23,000

Salary: $23,000 for a ten month position.
Monthly paycheck: $2,300
After taxes: $1,541
After rent (roughly): $691
After bills (roughly): $491

So, given these numbers, in this area of the country, and before making any payments towards my student loans, I would be left with roughly $500 for the month. Now, part of me is optimistic and says that I could certainly live on $400-500 a month. There is another part of me that given the life I have lived over the past 25 years is concerned about what that might look like. I am not saying it couldn't, and isn't done, on a regular basis by people all over the country. What I am saying is that it is a shock to the system.

This shock to the system, more fondly know as adulthood, is what brings this post full circle.

As a white American, a westerner, an educated woman from a middle class family, I have never lived in a pay check to pay check world. I have never lived a life where dinner has been an option, unless option means that I had a big lunch that day. I have never known a life where my parents have had to the make choice between breakfast or buying a jacket for their child. The life I know is where I find myself thinking "how would I pay back my student loans?" and a bit more selfishly, "this means I might have to stop buying Vera Bradley!"

The shock to the system that I experienced is also the overwhelming understanding of our connection to humanity.

It is my hope that if you're reading this you will not experience the extreme poverty that some experience on a regular basis. It is my hope that you will not be one of the 1,000+ of Americans who are living below the poverty line, either as an individual or a family. It is my hope, however, that we all begin to understand just how connected we are as human beings. It is my hope that whether we make $100,000, $60,000, $30,000 or $15,000 a year that we understand that there are individuals worldwide that live on less than $2 a day. It is my hope that when we are faced with a shock to the system because our financials don't allow us to spend so much money as Wawa (click here if you have no clue what Wawa is!) or get that brand new smart phone that we will remember that some people can't even buy their children shoes.

I live in a twofold world. This world is the constant pull between "I'm going to go buy a cute new scarf for no reason at all" and "We aren't sure how we are going to feed our family tonight." And every once in a while, very subtly, the universe places me in the middle of it and reminds me of how lucky I am and how much more work has to be done.

How will you be an active citizen in your personal twofold world? How will you respond?

The Beginning in the End*

Let's be real, people: the first post of any blog is awkward. The new author has no idea how to start what they believe to be the most exciting, on the edge of your seat, mind blowing blog. I'm here to tell you that this might not be any of those things. It could be the most boring thing you've ever read, and that's okay. You want to know why? Because this has less to do with you and more to do about me. 

Three days ago I graduated with a Masters of Arts in International Peace and Conflict Resolution. The jury is still out on what that means so you know, feel free to take some guesses. What I now know is that I am a newly turned 25 year old who just mastered something and I'm about to enter the world for real.

By 'for real' I mean, I'm job searching and praying to God that I'll eventually move out of my parents house and maybe if the universe is really on my side, pay back my student loans before I am 99. It also means that I get to officially take everything I have learned in school over the past 20 years and put it to go use. It means I've come to a point in my life where classrooms and books aren't going to cut it. Instead, I get to experience first hand the ins and outs of adulthood and the many difficult questions that come along with it. 

The mention of difficult questions is a nice segue to explaining the title of this blog. For any of you reading this, whether intentionally or because you have stumbled across it, who participated in Alternative Breaks throughout your college careers should recognize the term pretty quickly. For those of who have didn't get that life changing experience let me give you some context...

Often times Alternative Breaks at colleges and universities are assisted by a organization called Break Away. They provide schools with informational materials and training in order that these break trips can succeed and foster 'active citizens'. Break Away provides Alternative Break programs with what they call the Active Citizen Continuum. The idea of this continuum is that as students, faculty and staff participate in Alternative Break trips their experiences will allow them to not only continue to serve and volunteer but to strive to ask bigger and more thought-provoking questions. The continuum ranges from Member, someone who isn't really concerned with social issues and just along for the ride to Active Citizen, someone who believes that people and communities are a priority and value in their life. 

Prior to my undergraduate career, and even through my freshman year old college I would have most certainly placed myself in the member category on the continuum. However, as I have been provided with opportunities to experience different places, cultures and groups of people through a great summer job and the Alternative Breaks program, I found myself moving right along to active citizen. 

Even three years out of college and two years since my last Alternative Break I still consider myself to be in the active citizen section. With that being said, however, there is always room for growth. As you will see, the title of the blog is not just 'Active Citizenship'. The 'Unpacked' part of the title is the key to all of this. It is one thing to classify yourself as an active citizen, or any other label you give to yourself. It is another thing not to reflect on why you are that way or how your newly changed world is effecting that classification. 

This reflection is the point of this blog. This open space will be an opportunity for me to explore the never-ending, difficult questions that come along with adulthood and being an active citizen. It will be an open space to explore the possibilities of what comes next; of how to navigate through it all; of how to ask the bigger questions and strive for more. 

It's an open-ended, free flowing, adventure. I think it'll be pretty exciting and I challenge you to read on because you never know what words will change your life (or when I'll have you on the edge of your seat!).




*This titled is borrowed from an episode of Bones. It seemed rather fitting seeing as though I just graduated from grad school. Normal people might have not added this note, but I just spent a good part of my life citing things in a thesis; it is in my blood.